three months
How living in France is going so far
It’s somehow already been over three months since I packed up and joined my husband in the south of France. Time has flown, and yet it feels like a lifetime – at least, the impact this relocation has had on me personally has been life-changing.
There have been countless times in my life when I thought I was doing better than I was before, only to be dragged back into the throes of depression or anxiety at the flick of a switch. This time, however, I can say it with conviction. There’s a palpable feeling in the south of France that I can’t describe with words – maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s being in such close proximity to the sea, but in just three months I feel changed.
We’ve been taking it slowly, mostly out of necessity. As my husband and I haven’t been at our new jobs for long, we’ve been unable to make progress on things such as renting a house, or buying a car. That isn’t a bad thing, though. The slow tranquillity here is what I appreciate the most – nobody is in a rush and nothing is urgent. Nothing is pressing on my mind and distracting me, which means I can go for daily walks and appreciate the little things, such as the feeling of the white-hot sunshine on my skin.
It cannot be understated how necessary this transition was for me. To be able to fully embrace a fresh start has rid me of most of my worries; money, work, the future, the past… I’ve even gotten rid of my old phone number, switching to a French network, but it feels like I’ve gone off the grid. Good.
My few years of living in London were turbulent, to say the least. Despite meeting hundreds of beautiful people (including my husband), making new friends, experiencing some once-in-a-lifetime things and having fun, it also fundamentally changed me as a person. I became insecure, unmotivated, scared, lazy, anxious, miserable and burned out. There were many contributing factors, but retrospectively I think it was down to simply feeling lost in such a big, bustling city. I never really settled down in London, and it never felt like home, despite living there for five years.
Your surroundings have a tangible effect on you, and in contrast to my previous move, settling down in France has changed me for the better. I feel genuinely happier, healthier and extremely motivated to turn my life around. Saving money is now a realistic (and appealing) prospect. I’ve started reading books again. I’m walking 10,000 steps a day, eating healthier, feeling more love and energy inside myself than I’ve felt in a long time.
And that’s before the good stuff has even truly started, too. Now, though, it’s full steam ahead – we’ll be relocating to Montpellier, around 40 minutes from Béziers, in the near future. With my husband’s new role being in the city, and with us both drawn to it every time we visit, it’s the logical next step. The apartment hunt will (hopefully) be the last big task on our to-do list for a while and, as we’ve never lived alone as a couple – let alone a married couple – the excitement is through the roof. We’ve been browsing homeware and furniture stores, excitedly picturing ourselves with a golden retriever and a kitten between us on the sofa.
Montpellier is a beautiful, vibrant place, striking the ideal balance of energy and tranquillity. I have only visited a handful of times, but it has always struck me as somewhere I’d thrive. It strikes the perfect balance between a busy city and a quiet escape, with that same unhurried, calm atmosphere running through it. There are enough things to see and do, and any guests we host will be sure to fall in love with it, but it doesn’t give me that same claustrophobic feeling London does.
It’s also an LGBTQ+ hotspot, confirmed by the fantastic drag event we recently attended at Halle Tropisme. We watched stars from several European iterations of Drag Race, including France’s Sara Forever, and partied in the sunshine, the vibe joyous and freeing. There are plenty of other gay bars and cafés in the city centre, and I really hope to integrate with the community once I’m a local. Despite the rise of the far-right here in France (which I don’t feel even slightly equipped to comment on), these pockets of acceptance and freedom will continue to thrive. The French won’t ever take it lying down!
There is so much promise, so much potential and so much to look forward to. It’s been a while since I felt secure about the future, and to know that I’m heading towards something even better is comforting. But, I’m also embracing the present – something I haven’t done in years. The serenity of being able to switch off and enjoy where I’m at right now is something I don’t take for granted. I’m beyond lucky to have this life; a loving partner, good health, amazing family, friends who I miss dearly, and a new home in this beautiful part of the world. Every single time I stand on the balcony, the sea sparkling on the horizon and the sun on my face, I cannot help but smile. I made it.
Here are a few things I’ve been consuming this week – leave a comment if you’re listening to, reading or watching any of it too, or shout out with some recommendations for me to dive into in time for next week!
🎧 Self Esteem & Moonchild Sanelly, ‘Big Man’
I’ve loved Rebecca Lucy Taylor, aka Self Esteem, for a while – ‘I Do It All the Time’ stands firmly in my top songs of all time. This new track plays on gender stereotypes, with Taylor and Moonchild Sanelly stepping into the shoes of a loving, chilled boyfriend lifting up his girl and being a “fucking big man” for doing so. It’s a unique approach but a necessary one, and I love how much fun this song is. Perfect for the summer, as proven by my repeat listens to this on my daily strolls. If you’re in need of something uplifting, turn this one up loud!
📖 The List by Yomi Adegoke
I used to read all the time – as a child, I could have genuinely given Matilda a run for her money. Now, I’m getting back into it as a genuine hobby. I picked up The List at the airport last week and raced through it, as it told a story that holds a mirror up to modern-day society, in which social media plays a big part in punishing people, whether it be fairly or unfairly. The premise sees an Instagram-famous and successful couple torn apart by allegations made on The List, a spreadsheet posted to Twitter which names alleged male abusers in the media industry. Whilst I think some facets of this book could have been handled better, and I personally wasn’t a huge fan of the ending, it’s a thrilling read and one I highly recommend.
🎧 Kesha, ‘Joyride’
I’m cheating slightly with this one as it isn’t released until the 4th of July, but I haven’t been this excited for a single in a very long time. Kesha is coming back this week with her first song as a fully independent woman – JOYRIDE is a brash and energetic record, inviting you to “get in, loser” as Zhone’s production booms. Kesha had been teasing new music for a while, and it comes a week before Katy Perry’s new single, Woman’s World – produced and co-written by none other than Dr. Luke.
For those who don’t know, Dr. Luke and Kesha were engaged in a highly-publicised court case from 2014, until Luke pushed to settle privately last year. Kesha accused the super-producer behind her earliest hits of sexually assaulting her in 2005, alongside countless other instances of physical and verbal abuse, exerting his control over her life and career. She experienced a stint in rehab due to an eating disorder, had her royalties withheld, was blocked from releasing new music without his involvement and had everything put on hold for years as Luke attempted to counter-sue for defamation.
It wasn’t until the anti-SLAPP laws were introduced in New York that things began to shift. Kesha had faced setback after setback in court, with Judge Shirley Kornreich, wife of a lawyer at the firm representing Sony Music (which Luke’s label operated under), forcing her to remain in her six-album contract which ended with last year’s Gag Order. The New York Court of Appeals ruled that Kesha could claim back legal fees and damages from 2020 onwards, and told Dr. Luke that he had to prove actual malice by clear evidence. After nine years of bitter court proceedings, he decided to drop it when things started to look bad for him.
Most pop artists distanced themselves from Luke since the allegations were made public. Stars such as Kelly Clarkson, P!nk, Becky G, Bonnie McKee and countless others have publicly commented on Luke’s behaviour, with him being a notorious misogynist, known for using his money, power and influence to control young women. Doja Cat and Kim Petras, both of whom signed contracts prior to Kesha going public, have seen similar issues with lack of control. Both women have published unsettling statements about Luke online or in interviews, before being forced to put out contrasting statements to calm the subsequent storm.
Katy Perry, on the other hand, has gone running back to him. After distancing herself from Luke for 2017’s Witness and 2020’s Smile, both of which failed commercially, she has openly collaborated with him for her new album, supposedly centred around female empowerment. How fitting. Perry was involved in the Kesha v. Dr. Luke trial after a record label executive told Kesha and Lady Gaga that Perry herself was a victim of his. This information would turn out to be untrue; nevertheless, after Kesha and Gaga discussed this revelation via private texts, Luke’s attorneys found the messages and pushed to make them public in aid of his defamation case.
Katy Perry’s 2018 deposition as part of these events is an interesting read. She details how she has no contractual obligation to Luke, but chose not to work with him for a period of time because of how it’d reflect on her. She showed no interest in supporting Kesha, silenced and bankrupted by this man, because she didn’t want to “take sides”. Six years later, it appears she has.
There are many reasons why I therefore won’t be supporting Woman’s World when it releases next week, and I urge you to steer clear, too. Katy Perry has created a women’s empowerment anthem with one of the most dangerous and misogynistic men in the industry in a desperate pursuit of the success of her heyday. Not only does the song sound stale in comparison, but it enables an abuser and allows him to profit whilst he silences young women in the industry. Enough is enough.
The release of JOYRIDE feels monumental as a result. Kesha let a simple “lol” tweet do the talking after news of Katy Perry’s new single spread, sparking furore amongst the latter’s fans who have since embarked on a campaign against her and her fans of heinous body shaming, death and rape threats, homophobia and more. Riding off the back of that with the release of her first single as a free woman, a week before her abuser makes his mainstream comeback, is beyond powerful.
I’ve been a fan of Kesha since 2009, and I feel that same excitement, pride and admiration now as I did back then. This feels like a pivotal moment to stand for what’s right, and I’ll personally be throwing 100% of my support behind her. She’s stronger than the man who actively tried to ruin her life, and it’s high time we made that clear.
I won’t keep you waiting as long for the next issue, I promise – I was busy enjoying the moment. Plenty more exciting things on the horizon, so stay tuned and I’ll see you next week. Bonne journée!
